Words that can no longer reach.

I recently read in the newspapers about the death of this girl called Krystal who has apparently jumped to her death after she received her A levels results. I thought it was very sad, and out of curiosity because she looked so pretty in the photo that they published of her, I went to google her and stumbled upon her blog.

I spent a good whole 30mins reading every thing and I realized that I was very much like her now that I look back and think. ): Although I do not know her personally, I must admit, this is the first time I genuinely feel so sad and somehow, a sense of regret for someone, like someone I never knew I knew. like, yknow? haha, ok I dont know how to explain it also, but read on.

I did badly for my PSLE, it was far less than what was projected after my prelims.

O levels, I did well, sort off, but apparently not well enough to get into the JC that I wanted to go to, without the help of DSA (direct school admission which allows you admission if your score is less than 20 points)

A levels, I was always struggling, I couldnt catch up in lectures, I studied the very hardest, always trying to at least make it to a local uni and yeah, never considered going to a private uni because thats like...so un mainstream. yknow, like once you've chosen the JC path, you either get into a local uni or you're just not good enough yknow. I mean, thats how I thought then. I did well enough to get into this obscure course in NUS, but thats about it, yknow, i felt like a reject somehow like everyone could CHOOSE what they wanted to study, but I didnt have the luxury to do so, I just had to either choose that course or...nothing.

I spent quite a long time in desolation. Like, feeling extremely despondent and angry with everyone and everything. Darkest times of my life. I felt as if there was no hope. I could study music, but I couldnt do the theory part of music, so that was quite tough. I could study art, but I havent done art in my entire life and I do not have a portfolio for any entrance exam or interview or whatever. I was just...nothing.

And then if its not bad enough, I had to bask in the guilt of feeling like shit that I've wasted 2 years in jc.

But Im definetely thankful for all those who helped pull me through, and Im just extremely sad that I couldnt have had the chance of meeting this poor girl, or for her to at least know that there IS hope and there ARE people who are like her, and in her situation, and there IS a solution always. ):

I just feel sad, shes so young and she has a whole world of possibilities and opportunities out there. Its just sad.