x

Yknow its kinda tough, finding the correct balance between things. Needing somebody, and not needing them. What happens when you need them more than they need you, its crazy because it turns you into some insecure psychotic bitch.

I've been thinking...a lot.

And I came to the conclusion that I am a control freak, I am a perfectionist, and I love hello panda.

I want to control every single thing in my life. My emotions, my feelings. It gives me a sense of security to know that everything is going in order and its in place, and that things are where they should be. But like, certain things like emotions are harder to control yknow? Its so difficult sometimes to control my anger, to control my sadness and all. It gets very very overwhelming, and...very tiring.

It makes me want to bite myself again and again just so I wont be able to feel the emotional pain. Physical pain numbs the emotional pain.

And so thats me...the very inner part of me. I am very insecure because I've been let down like a gazillion times. I always doubt myself because of how I grew up. I am a perfectionist because I believe that I'm never good enough for anyone or anything. But thats just me...I don't know whether I should let the walls of my life down to anyone anymore. Not even to my boyfriend. I don't want to give him the opportunity or chance to hurt me. I don't want to be in any situation whereby I need someone or something. I don't want to live my life knowing that what I want is with someone, or IS that someone. I don't want to live my life vulnerable to anything.

Life is tough.

so eat more hello panda.