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I feel loneliest at night.

Like I just want to hold hands under the sheets, and fall asleep on an already asleep heaving chest.
Like, I just wanna turn around and smell the scent of skin against your neck.
Like, its funny how I have all these thoughts but no face comes to mind.

Its all a blurr

ah, but theres more to life than this.
i'm falling into a cesspit of unnecessary mess and tangle. When I'm afraid I tend to withdraw from everyone and everything. I'm really afraid.

Let me tell you what I'm most afraid of:


L I F E

why. Every stage is like a level you have to cross to get to the next. And its the same shit all the time. And yknow, you get that sinking feeling in your chest and in your stomach, you lose your appetite for things you used to love. And you know that theres no one else that can help you out except yourself, and you know that theres nothing you can do except to feel and go through shit before you reach the next level.

When you're at the happy phase in life, you have to be careful because you know that such happiness would not last. You cannot let yourself reach the optimum level of happiness because you know there will be a downfall and the higher you are, the harder you will fall. In that case you can say "then you will never be happy", true. But recall the moment when you allowed yourself to, remember the pain remember the emptiness, the hurt, the let down, the disappointment, the tears, the lethargy, the heart wrench of it all.

how happy does it make you to know that every up has a down.

I guess thats what it is, we are really born to die.
But thats me now, at 4.08am.
Tomorrow I might be a different me.

set me free